Shot of a Lifetime 15 Man Battle Royal

[AJ Supreme]

Place all rp's below

Participants:

Puck
Pyros
Eno Redrum
Willy Franklin
Delilah Ghost
Drifter
The Phil
Lee Jackson
Charles Garrison
Cletus Beauchamp
Steve Sensation
Nick Zildjian
Alex Crowe
Mikey
Rey Leone

[return?]

(The setting opens up in the office of Reaves Inc. We see Reno, Rude and yes even Tseng in the office! For those who have been hiding under a rock since new years, Tseng is in the RCW to lend his support and as of Wednesday, apparently his wrestling skills as Reaves Inc is scheduled now to face the newly reformed Alpha Storm in a Wargames match at Hog Heaven. But between now and then Steve Sensation will not only be squaring off in his final mystery match, but he will be in a battleroyal for a chance at the title that Rude has said he is destined to win. The catch of coarse is that in this battleroyal are also the very people Steve will be teaming against at Wargames... well, at least two of them and some of their 'allies' if you call them that. They have their own problems, so you really can't call it a formidable unit right now can ya? Also included in the mix is a former N.E.W. World Champion, who made his presence known this week in Eno Redrum. Along with him is the Russian monster known as Nick Zildjan who has proven to be a force to be recogned with in the RCW; also The Phil, who is looking to make his big return to wrestling; Rey Leone, the guy people claim is the next rookie to climb to the top but has failed to impress as of late, and a bunch of elevational talent to fill out the list... for some of those guys, it truly IS a shot of a lifetime, but for Steve it is just a matter of time...)

Rude: Those punk don't know what they have gotten themselves into! How could those fools have made such a drastic move as to challenge US to a Wargames match? What year do they think this IS? 1997? Noone does Wargames matches anymore! Why not a prison match? I hear Dan has connections!

Reno: Queer!

Rude: Bah, I don't care what his motivations are, his plans will fail as his precious Alpha Storm will be crushed under our feet. Dan, you have made a costly mistake... because your guys may not make it to Wargames! Next week, Mikey and Delilah will have to face off against the man destined to become the Southern Champion, Steve Sensation! Steve hasn't been in matches lately against RCW competition for a reason, he has been seasoning for his rise to the top.

T: Exactly, I know that it may seem as if Steve just happily stumbled into this gym by accident, but it was fate that brought him here. We knew this day would come. It was a part of a plan. AJ Supreme was in need of a real champion, because there wasn't anyone in this promotion worth a damn to carry the banner. He told us how his promotion needed to be 'saved'. Well, we won't blaspheme the noble name of the Savior like some other dimwitted wrestlers out there, but we knew we could provide the answer to his requests. Steve is no stranger to the wrestling business. This isn't his first ride around the rodeo, but he's not much of a 'talker'. See, unlike Mikey who needs an etch a sketch to communicate because he's retarded, Steve knows how to weigh his words, and when he speaks... he means what he says. Unlike someone who rambles on to get in some witty banter of put out a message noone understands but the speaker... *cough* Delilah *cough*, Steve thinks through what he has to say... but wrestling isn't about talking or working a crowd. It's about blood, guts and glory.

Rude: Puck, Pyros... I hope you know that you two will be the first two out of this one. That 'tard with a bike, Willy Franklin, will last longer and get a title shot before you two dysfunctional twits do. As for Eno, if I were you, I would remember who MADE you in this business. If you don't want your career broken, I would step aside, because Steve Sensatin is NOT Rey Leone.

T: That's right.

Rude: Steve is not the Lion King or whatever... he IS the LION of the RCW!

T: Yes!

Rude: Steve is going to devour his opposition and conquer victorious in this battleroyal, and he will then demolish that paper-champ on borrowed time, Jeff Hollywood at Hog Heaven. And I don't know what the hub-ub is about this 'Phil' guy from WpW...

T: Oh, that craphole...

Rude: Phil, to quote that moron, Ryan... this ain't WpW. What you did in WpW don't matter. You're in my back yard, dairy cow. The monster is gonna tear you apart if you get in his way. You'll be the third man to get baptized if you think you're just gonna waltz into my backyard and suddenly take over.

T: Ya know, when your friends aren't around to protect your spot, the game changes. Let's see what you're all about now in the RCW!

Rude: No SB-Gay, No Ryan-Suck2000, No Man Called Grandma... just you and good ole Steve!

T: It may be fortunate for you that my trunks are retired. I'm making a special exception for Ares and Fuego. As for you, you aren't even worthy to spit-shine my shoes. Get the hell out of my ring before you get a hole stomped in ya!

Rude: As for getting holes stomped in people... Drifter, you think you stand a chance in this contest? You got your ass handed to you by the paper-champ this past Wednesday! I'll tell ya what, I'll buy you a PPV ticket so you can sit next to your fat hick friend and find him a toothless pig to take home to daddy. You suck, man! I hope you don't even think for a minute you stand a chance in this contest!

T: And as for the FOE... I have resources. I have perks. And I run things behind the scenes. Everyone that has been in N.E.W. knows... If have a gift for ya. Call it a late Christmas gift if ya will... just call me, I'll be waiting. Till next time, piss off.

(fin.)

[Alex Crowe]

- Shot of a Lifetime

[Puck/Pyros]

Congress Park, Saratoga, New York. The air is cold this day and the RCW camera crew is having a hard time finding the two men they have come to interview for the upcoming "shot of a lifetime" battle royal. The camera pans over to see TNDS standing on the roof a library. They hop down into a snowbank and go see the camera man.

Puck: Well, well, looks like somebody sent you poor goofs up here to New York, the new frozen tundra. Welcome!

Puck: Dude, quit being an ass! Let's make this quick so these guys can get warm.

Puck: Yeah whatever. AJ Supreme called this the Shot of a Lifetime. A shot at Jeffery Hollywood and the gold, everything this company is about, the Southern Heritage Championship. So, in the spirit of fun and in the interest of the fans, Pyros and I have come up with some nice pictures that my brother will hold up for our opponents in this battle royal. Number 1.....




Puck: Eno Redrum. Oops, we need effects for this one.

Puck and Pyros dive off camera and come back a couple seconds later, both wearing Yamakahs.

Pyros: Shalom!

Puck: Welcome back, Eno, you looked like your old destructive self again on the last Southern dynamite show. Of course it was just Rey Leone, and I'll get to him later, but I'm sure "The Hebrew Hammer" would be.....wait...."Hebrew Hammer?" What the hell kinda name is that?

Pyros: Coming from the guy named after a piece of sporting equipment.

Puck: Shut up, Mama's boy. Anywho. Redrum, good luck in the battle royal and for the rest of your career, you're going to need it. Mazel Tov!! Next!



Puck: Who the hell is that?

Pyros: Willy Franklin.

Puck: I should have known. Willy, oh Willy, nothing can save you from this battle royal, not your mullet, not your bike, nothing, I don't know why I'm even wasting my time with this goober.

Pyros: I like his mullet.

Puck: You would. Next!



Puck: Dude! Where did you get that? Uncle Mikey is going to be pissed! I didn't know she had a mole there!


Pyros: Yeah, that's a nice mole. Dude, I wouldn't be worried about her. She'll be too busy fighting with the Phil and trying to have sweet lovings with Uncle Mikey, she won't even but in the match. Although it would kick ass if she did win the shot. I mean, Delilah and Hollywood! I'd pay money.....

Puck: She's not going to win, because I am! Plain and simple! Next!



Puck: What the hell? It looks as if a certain Mr. Trekkie has a certain type of cramp. I don't think I can say what type of cramp on RCW television. Hey, Drifter, how are you feeling after that beating Hollywood gave ya. Yeah, he gave me one too, but I got up, you never did. I remember they days of the N.E.W. and how you were always the weak one out of that silly lame group you were in. But, that was then and this is going to be another beating, and you'll get up from it, up and over the top rope, to the floor. Next!



Puck: What the hell is that?

Pyros: The Phil. He is The Heel Bastard!

Puck: That's horrible. The Phil. Back again? Every time you come back to the RCW you mattered less than you did the last time you came back. I don't know what dreams of former glory you think you're going re-live, but I'm here to tell you, your dreams are over. Next!



Puck: Who the.... Lee Jackson? How Civil Warish. OK, one more time for the slow Southerners out there. You lost. Get over it. Jeez. So, Stonehead, save yourself the humiliation, take the bike out of Franklin's ass and peddle right back to whatever Deliverance town you came from. Next!



Puck: Now what?

Pyros: It says Charles Garrison.

Puck: Who? It doesn't matter. Good luck Chuck! You lost to Cletus Beauchamp, you're not going to win this battle royal. Next!



Puck: Eww, what the hell is that?

Pyros: Says here Cletus Beauchamp.

Puck: Is that really necessary, Pyros? I mean, good lord, that's bad! I know the guy stinks and all, but that's just wrong! Next!



Puck: No, hang on a minute here. Steve Sensation would be a nice, up and coming star here in the RCW if it wasn't for the Turks. Reno, Rude, Tseng, you little panty wipes, listen to me, I don't give two craps that you're taking on my family in Wargames, what they do, I don't care about. But flapping you little holsters about how Pyros and I are going to be the first ones out isn't going to help Steviekins from getting his cheeks kicked in! Matter of fact if there is one little piece left you goofs when the Alpha Storm gets done with you, maybe Pyros and I will finish the job and rid the RCW of The Turks and Reeves Inc. for good! Next!



Puck: Oh, this is that Nick Dar.....Darj....Darjinkopof?

Pyros: I think its Darjenhostetler.

Puck: Derjavitcinski?

Pyros: Dejavu?

Puck: DerjaNEXT!



Puck: Ah yes, Alex Crowe! Don't under estimate this guy. He gets a haircut, develops a new attitude like he's some kinda top guy who can get away with playing the nobody respects me card, and now we have to take him seriously. Hey Alex, let me let you in how this works. You're playing to many cards at once. You can't complain about disrespect and how nobody is picking you to win, to saying I'm a top guy. You're not. Last I checked, you're still a jobber. Next!



Puck: Rey Leone. Popeye once said "I am what I say I am." You say you're a predator, I say you're one of these. Next!




Puck: Last and finally, Uncle Mikey. All I got to say is....

Puck flaps his hands and arms in mock sign language.

Puck: See you chumps in the royal!

Fade to static

[The Legendary Phil]

Trifecta

[Eno Redrum]

www.geocities.com/kevinkeithosborne/EnoRedrumRCW03.html

[The Legendary Phil]

Back to the Lab Again

[Puck/Pyros]

Scene opens up in a local high school gymnasium. Banners of the different local championships hang from the rafters. In the middle of the gym sits one lonely desk. Puck walks up, hair slicked back in a pony tail and carrying a notebook, and sits in the desk. He pulls a pen out of his pocket and stares at the camera.

Balls.

He opens the notebook and then looks back to the camera.

Maybe Eno Redrum can teach me what it's like to have balls. I will say one thing though, Hey Eno, if we can't pick on your name or the fact that your Jewish, what kind fun are we supposed to have when we face you? I mean, yeah your ugly, by Jeezy Creezy, you leave a target out there, I'm going to hit it. I could pick on the fact you have like three offensive moves that are any good. After that, you're pretty lacking. So, thanks for the Kabbalah and killing our lord and savior, I'm a big fan of Matzo Ball Soup, and Mel Brooks rules. You, on the other hand, are still nothing but an over rated goof. That's coming from an underrated goof. Welcome to the club.

Puck writes something down in his notebook and then looks back up at the camera.

So. This leads me to more balls. Formulas. Balls. Good gravy it's good to see Phil back, isn't it? He's got us all figured out. He's talking about lists and he's playing with the quantum physics that is Razorback Championship Wrestling's wrestler promos. But one tiny thing you forgot, Philadelphia, you made the big mistake of under estimating the unpredictability of stupidity. You think you got everybody figured out. But you knew somebody was going to step up and try and shut you up. But I'm not who you were expecting. I never am. Did you expect Mikey? Ha! He's too busy with that nap-fest that's going to be Wargames. I'm mean really, who the hell would want to see 3 Turds, a rookies, two geezers and RCW's answer to Sid and Nancy in a cage. I'd rather watch BDC arm wrestle Captain Hook.

Pyros runs into the gym out of breath, hair falling our of his ponytail, no face paint.

Dude! You didn't set me up a desk?

Late as always, Pyros.

Stuff it, you fringe! You could have at least set one more up for me and then I'd have some time to talk my smack-yack, foo!

Well, if you would have......wait, your what?

Smack-yack!

Smack-yack?

Yeah man, are you deaf? We'd just need Delilah to go blind and you and the love birds can start your own stable. H.N.E.S.N.E.S.N.E.

OK, that's enough of that! You want your time? You want to talk your smack-jack?

Yack. Smack-yack.

Whatever, I'm tired of this and I'm tired of you. I'm leaving.

Puck gets up from the desk and walks off camera, Pyros takes his place in the desk.

Finally! It's my time now. This will be my shot of a lifetime! Phil, you suck and you're not going to win! Here's a formula for ya...


Pyros lifts one butt-cheek up off the chair and has lots of audio flatulence.

Ha! I wish I was still back in English class in high school to watch Veronica Bedard run for the garbage can. Fun times! Anyways, yeah, Eno Redrum, you're Jewish and your name is One Murder. Let's see if Puck the goober has anything in his notebook about this kinda crap.

Pyros opens the notebook.

Look up?

Sports balls, dodge balls, basketballs, soccer balls, fall from the celling. After about 50 fall, a bowling ball falls, missing Pyros by about 2 feet. Camera pans back to Puck.

I got balls, Phil, lots of them. See?

Camera goes back to Pyros, knocked out from all the sports balls falling on him. Camera fades to dark static.

[Delilah Ghost]

The weather in this part of Vermont has turned fair. Well, as fair as it gets this time of year. The sky is a cloudless blue, and a brisk wind blows through trees free of snow. A weathered grey mailbox with 'Hastings' lettered in faded white stands several feet away from the camera. To the side, a gravel road stretches deeper into the woods. Footsteps in the snow can be heard, and everyone's favorite redhead walks into view.

She stands next to the mailbox, looking off somewhere behind the camera.

"The mail should be here any minute," she says, leaning against the mailbox. "I'm expecting something neat." Delilah winked at the camera with a grin. The sort of grin you might see on someone...say...filling a car with nacho cheese?

Delilah starts to clap her hands, applauding the camera. "Bravo. Just bra-vo, my boys. Very nicely done, I must say. Well, Eno not so much, but still...kudos to all of you so far. This shot of a lifetime thing has lit that proverbial fire, I'd say."

"I mean really, Steve and the boys started it off strong. Didn't they? I bet Tseng was just giddy with joy. 'Ooo, someone's gonna listen to me talk without walking away!' Like a second christmas for him. Although I have a sneaking suspicion that he bought everyone one of those word-a-day calendars. Oh yes. Yes I do. C'mon, you have to agree that was good. For a minute I almost forgot that Reno and Rude are semi-articulate throwbacks to the Stone Age. Remarkable. On the other hand, I could be talking nonsense again."

"And I do that. A lot."

Delilah gets in close to the camera, briefly looking from side to side.

"Of course," she whispers, ,"ninety percent of what I say is nonsense. Everyone knows that. And it's taken Steve and the boys this long to figure it out?"

Chuckling, Delilah resumes her post, her back up against the mailbox.

"I expected more from you, Eno. Didn't even know it. Honest. I watched Eno's little spot and found it wanting. Good, but...I dunno...standard? 'Here's a list of ten things you should hate about me just in case you need it'? You would have had a good score, if it wasn't for that German judge."

"Ahhahah....another bad joke. I'm awful."

"See, to be perfectly honest, I'm finding myself cheering for Puck to win this one. It's not that the idea of hurting Hollywood doesn't appeal to me. You'd be hard put to find someone that doesn't get a warm, fuzzy feeling thinking about that. Just think it over for a minute. Puck versus Jeffy Hollywood. That's gold right there. Gold. Ol' Peaches wouldn't know what hit him. Hell, he's got the perfect stooge in Pyros, too. That one's so fast he could jump Jeffy boy in the back and be gone before the body hit the floor."

"And then, of course, there's Mr. Duality himself. The fly in the ointment and icing on the cake all rolled into one. Phil comma The. Bastard comma The Heel. Philly. How ya doin', my bestest non-friend? Good to see you back to the tried and true for you. The anti-hero schtick always worked out well for you. Heel Bastard equals big match. Huh? Huh?"

Delilah's gaze is once more drawn away from the camera. After a moment of silence, the faint sound of a vehicle can be heard.

"But we've still got quite the list of people who still haven't graced our tv screens yet. Like the big Russian dude and Rey 'I am kitty, hear me roar' Leone. Drifter has yet to lay some of that metrosexual jazz of his on us too. Ah, well, there's still time, my frisky little badgers. Some of us will be trying for a shot of a lifetime. Others...well...maybe just me...will be gunning for something, or someone, else."

"After all, it sure would be a shame if anything happened to good ol' Stevie, wouldn't it?"

Brakes squeaking the truck to a stop, a pickup with a 'U.S. Postal Service' sticker on the door stops next to the mailbox. Delilah chats for a moment with the man behind the wheel, accepting a bundle of envelopes and a box wrapped in brown paper. With a wave, the postman pulls away, his truck heading deeper into the woods.

Grinning, Delilah opens the mailbox and shoves the bundle of letters inside. She cradles the box under her arm while searching her pockets and producing a small folding knife. Delilah opens it and slices through the tape holding the box closed and reaches in. The box falls to the ground, leaving Delilah holding a large plastic bag filled with little bright green balls.

"Sweet."

Delilah turns the bag so the label is facing the camera. Lettered on it in bright red is 'Montezuma's Revenge'.

"You can order the best stuff over the internet these days. Like what, you ask? Well shut up and I can tell you. Paintballs. Special ones. Ones that are described best as pepper spray in paint form. Getting hit with one of these burns like a sonovab*tch. At least, that's what the website said. I'll let you know after I get a little...human testing done. Now be off with you, O RCW faithful. I have some childish pranks to plan."

With one last grin and a wink, Delilah takes the rest of the mail out of the mailbox and walks away as the picture fades to black........

[Eno Redrum]

www.geocities.com/kevinkeithosborne/EnoRedrumRCW04.html

[return?]

(The setting opens up to the office of Reaves Inc, where Steve Sensation is sitting at the desk of Rude. Rude is on the phone.)

Rude: Yeah, the match is in two days...

(pause)

Rude: Money? (pauses) Don't worry about the pay, AJ will have your check ready before you leave.

(pause)

Rude: I know Reaves was shady, but you know me...

(pause)

Rude: (laughing) Yeah...

(akwards silence.)

Rude: Well, I'll be looking forward to seeing you again this Wednesday. Maybe we can treat you out afterward. Dinner on me, what do ay say?

(pause)

Rude: Sounds good, so see ya Wednesday!

(pause)

Rude: Buh-bye...

(Rude hangs up the phone and rolls his eyes back.)

Rude: That guy is such a prima donna, all he cares about is his image and money.

SS: The guy's gonna get paid, right?

Rude: (defensively) Oh yeah yeah yeah! He'll be taken well advantage of... I mean CARE of. So are ya looking forward to your big chance at stardom?

SS: I dunno, you shouldn't seek fortune or fame. That should come as a result of being faithful.

Rude: Between you and me, you don't beleive all that crap do you?

SS: Well, of coarse I do, and it's not crap. It's the truth.

Rude: (doubtingly) Right right....

SS: You know, you are appropriately named...

(Rude gives Steve a curious look.)

Rude: You don't say?

SS: Yeah, Reno is a gambler, and you are rude to people.

Rude: Thanks, what is Tseng?

(Steve ponders.)

SS: Not sure yet.

Rude: Go figure, he never had much of an identity... or personality.

SS: Do you get anything out of that?

Rude: What do you mean?

SS: I mean, being rude to others?

Rude: People don't mess with me!

SS: Gee, I wonder why.

Rude: What is that supposed to mean.

SS: Well, I can't help but point out the obvious, but... you have been in prowrestling for about 11 years now, right?

Rude: Yeah.

SS: And you have never won a match in your career until you came to RCW, right?

Rude: (exasperated) Now, you sound like everyone else!

SS: Hear me out... and noone like you right?

Rude: (shrugs) I guess not... What your damn point, boy?

SS: I know you don't beleive in Jesus, but maybe you could start being NICER to people?

Rude: Nicer?

SS: Yeah, I mean... if you start being NICE to people, maybe they will start to like you.

Rude: And?

SS: And maybe RCWs ratings won't plummet when you come on TV.

Rude: That's cold...

SS: It's true. Now that JJ won't be on much anymore, now fans will be wanting YOU gone from RCW.

Rude: Well, I'm misunderstood.

SS: People understand angles... they also understand character...

(Akward silence)

Rude: Well, that's my personaility!

SS: Change it!

(More akward silence)

Rude: Well, God made me that way...

SS: He can make you something else...

(Rude is frustrated as we have yet more akward silence)

Rude: You are seriously about to piiiii.......

SS: Now, before you lose your cool... why don't you just for once be nice to folks this week on Southern Dynamite?

Rude: What?

SS: Try it! People may even start to like ya! Maybe Mikey won't green mist you!

Rude: Dork...

SS: You shouldn't talk about people behind their back...

Rude: I mean you...

SS: I forgive you.

(Akward silence)

Rude: You need to train...

(fin)

[return?]

(The setting opens up in the office of Reaves Inc, where Rude is sitting behind his desk writing an email to [e-mail] ; Rude doesn't look like he has shaven yet and is smoking a cigar. We read the letter he types through his mental thoughts... if that makes any sense.)

Rude: Dear Mister Havoc, I am writing you today in regards to the upcoming battleroyal that has been dubbed the 'shot of a lifetime'. I understand that you are a busy guy with unfortunate recourring circumstances. I want you to know that I am on your team if you want on board. I understand that Nick Zildjan is going to be competing in this battleroyal along with Steve Sensation. I understand that in the past Steve sided in the corner of your most dreaded enemy. I personally don't care. I would like to propose to you an offer you cannot refuse. I am prepared to write you a check for any amount that you desire in exchange for your allegiance for one night in this battleroyal. With this agreement, you state that we are on the same page. We will work together in getting rid of ALL comers together. ALL of them. I will in exchange strive to get rid of all comers and our respective stables will not come to blows. Should the fight come down to Steve versus Nick, may it be a clean fight. I won't cross you, and you won't cross me. I eagerly await your call. You know how to contact me. Sincerely, Rude.

(Rude sends the email and looks into the camera.)

Rude: I want for the forces of RCW to know that they stand NO chance. This is not a 'chance of a lifetime', this is your final match. Eno, I would like to remind you quickly... Reaves Inc made you, and we can break you. Remember where you came from, boy. From the dust you came up and to the dust you shall return. I'll see ya'll Wednesday night, hommies!

(Estoy al fin)

["Sensational" CJ Swanson]

While the Family has lost one battle, they’ve proven that the war is far from over against Nate Sipes and his allies. As the Family rests up for the chaos they will cause at Hog Heaven, Nick Zildjian prepares himself for the Battle Royal that will happen at this Southern Dynamite.

1/12/09
Juvinal’s Mansion
***************

[Nick Zildjian is warming up in the training facility in Juvinal’s personal ring with other members of the FOE while Havoc sits and watches. Everyone is ganging up on Nick.]

Havoc: C’mon, Nick! You have to be ready for attacks coming at you from all angles. This battle royal is a fight that won’t end until you’re the last man standing. NOW PROVE IT!

[Nick catches an on-rushing Pink Mason and powerslams him. Jarvis runs at him for an attempted double axehandle but Nick ducks and backdrops Jarvis over the top rope. Pink gets to his feet by using the ropes but is quickly clotheslined over the top by Nick. Juvinal tries chop after chop on Nick but Nick takes the attack, nails Juvinal with a spinning backfist, picks him up in a gorilla press position and tosses Juvinal on top of Jarvis and Pink. Havoc grabs the ring bell and rings it several times. He then enters the ring with a maniacal laugh.]

Havoc: Well done, my Eastern friend. Now, if you can do that 14 more times, you’ll get your title shot and take the RCW Southern Heritage Title.

Nick: And then we’ll control all of the gold in RCW, correct, Premier Havoc?

Havoc: That’s correct and then my Family will have complete power. No other team, no other alliance will be able to stop us.

Nick: So, what’s next for today, premier?

Havoc: That fool, Chip, should be here soon for an interview. After that, we’ll get back to work. [Havoc looks towards the other FOE members.] You guys will be ready to go again, right?

[Jarvis is showing no ill-effects of the previous encounter, Pink is rubbing the back of his neck (and yet, still having a sh*t-eating grin on his face) and Juvinal is still lying on the ground.]

Jarvis: Ready whenever you are, boss.

Pink: You should know by now that I, the greatness that is Pink Mason, am willing to help out you, Havoc, the coolest dude on the planet, anytime you ask.

Juvinal: I think my b*lls are lodged in my throat!

[Havoc just rolls his eyes.]

Havoc: Jarvis, smack “Dopey” there around until he’s what passes for normal and get him ready for another workout.

Jarvis: No problem. [Looking down at Juvinal with a look of pity.] C’mon, you jackass.

[Jarvis picks him up and carries him into the locker room. Pink follows them as he looks for ice for his sore neck. Just then, Chip the Intern enters the room with a camera.]

Chip: Hey Havoc! Hey Nick! Are you guys ready for the interview?

Havoc: A better question is if the other competitors are ready for the pain that Nick’s about to unleash upon them.

Chip: Good point, sir. Now, Nick, if I could have you jus-

Havoc: [interrupting] Hey, college boy, you don’t tell Nick what to do; HE tells YOU. GOT IT?

[Chip’s eyes grow wide as he makes a huge gulp.]

Chip: …uh, yes…sir.

[Nick grabs a folding chair and sits on it in front of the ring. Chip sets up the camera in front of him and sets his chair next to him. Chip looks like he’s about to ask Havoc something but then, remembering his scolding, decides against it. Havoc realizes what he wants and gives a nod.]

Havoc: I’ll turn on the camera, you moron.

Chip: T-t-thanks boss.

[Chip sits down next to Nick with note cards in hand. Havoc waits until Chip looks like he’s ready and presses the record button.]

Chip: Hello, RCW faithful. It is I, RCW’s premiere interviewer Chip and I’m here to interview the premiere athlete in RCW. I’m talking about the man who will dominate the competition in the battle royal at Southern Dynamite and gain that shot at the Southern Heritage Title. He is Russian great, Nick Zildjian. Nick, thank you for joining me today.

Nick: No, no, Chip. It’s YOU who are thankful for joining a gifted athlete such as ME.

Chip: Quite true, Nick. Now, before we talk about your “opponents,” I’m sure everyone is wondering how you got into wrestling.

[Nick rolls his eyes in annoyment.]

Nick: Very well. I first started in the Russian art of Sambo when I was a child. I won five straight National Titles in that sport. People said that my accomplishments cam too easily and so, I moved onto Greco-Roman and Freestyle wrestling. There, the competitors fell like dominoes just as easily. Soon enough, it wasn’t enough to just beat them. Therefore, my competitors knew that when they faced me, they put their lives on the line. The Russian Premier and my comrades in the Kremlin found this talent quite useful. They drafted me into the Red Army as a Specialist. I would be sent to Siberia and finish off the political dissidents who are incompetent guards couldn’t stand killing anymore. I performed my duties well.

Chip: And when was this?

Nick: It was right around the time that that coward, that traitor Gorbachev joined into an agreement with the Western Imperials. Soon enough, the Berlin Wall was knocked down, Yeltsin became “our President” and I was honorably discharged. That was a very dark day for Mother Russia.

Chip: So, what brought you here?

Nick: Our economy faltered and I had to come to this d*mned country to survive. Ironic, is it not? That I, who will eternally hate these imperials had to come here; like a dog begging for scraps. However, I did gain great success in pro wrestling. I have defeated many wrestlers and while I was unable to end their miserable lives…well, at least a few of them…I did prove who was the better athlete and who was the better country.

Chip: And now, your accolades have led you to this moment: the 15 Man Battle Royal for a shot at the Southern Heritage Title.

Nick: That’s correct. That battle royal is where I will prove my dominance in RCW and prove the dominance of the Family of Extreme.

Chip: Let’s start first with Reaves Inc. member Steve Sensation. Steve and his allies the Turks claim that they will cut a check to Havoc if you were to team with him for the battle royal. What are your opinions on that?

Nick: There is an old saying that “blood is thicker than water” and I have seen much “red” in my time. However, I know I speak for Premier Havoc when I say that we will accept their offering for a one night only alliance.

[Nick looks up at Havoc who nods in agreement.]

Nick: For, you see, Mother Russia would teach its people about sharing our possessions; creating a common good among our comrades. You American fools simply called it Communism but it was our way of life. Yes, Comrade Steve, we accept your payment and will have no problem taking care of the other “competitors” that stand in our way. Then, when the ring is cleared, except for you and me, I will prove who is more dominant and you and the Turks will go back to beating nameless faces who mean nothing in RCW.

Chip: How about the team that has recently resurfaced of the New Downward Spiral, Puck and Pyros?

[Nick chuckles as if just having heard a joke.]

Nick: They are but two clowns who think they are wrestlers. All they can do is mock their opponents’ names because they think that will get inside their heads. All it proves is their stupidity for while they try to pronounce my name correctly, I will be knocking their heads off and throwing their corpses over the top rope. In fact, I might not have to as they seem to fight each other as much as the entire locker room beats them into the ground. Also, I’m not the only one who would be delighted to crush their spines as I’m sure the Phil would be more than happy to accomplish that as well.

Chip: Speaking of the former champion, what are your opinions on him?

Nick: The Phil is a man who loves to speak about nothing. He would rather analyze promos than address his opponents because he thinks that’s what will “get over” with the “smart marks.” He claims to represent a challenge when he will be but a minor convenience to me in the battle royal.

[Nick turns his attention to the camera.]

Nick: Phil, you have always been an arrogant, self-centered bullsh*t specialist who thinks that you’ll be handed everything. That is simply not the case. You lost your title easily last year and now you will be defeated even more easily in this battle royal. It will be a pleasure to throw you over the top rope and crush your dreams, once and for all.

[Nick turns his attention back to Chip.]

Chip: Another wrestler who recently returned is Eno Redrum.

Nick: Eno is another fool that I must deal with in this battle royal. He continues to cry at the thought of his family’s death when I would, willingly, sacrifice any of mine to further my career. He claims he will survive like a cockroach when I will have no problem stomping him out. He was a great athlete once in RCW…but that’s because I wasn’t here to stop him. He’s another competitor who is fooling himself if he thinks he’ll win this match because I am destined to become the RCW Southern Heritage Champion. If Eno wants to wrestle then maybe he should just fight the other members of his alliance. It would save him time, energy and blood that he would lose if he stays much longer in RCW.

Chip: Didn’t he also used to be friends with Doug Gavelon?

[Hearing the name of the former Natural Champion makes Nick develop an angry scowl.]

Nick: That’s correct and that automatically makes him an enemy of the FOE. That’s why I’m trying to save him the punishment he’ll be in for. While I enjoy beating Nate and Alex into the ground, it grows tiresome and as soon as we finish them off, I want for this war to end. No more Doug, no more Nate, no more Alex, game over. I hope Eno’s smart enough to stay out of our business; something Alex wasn’t smart enough to do.

Chip: Moving onto an ally of Puck and Pyros and an enemy of Steve Sensation and the Turks, Delilah Ghost.

Nick: Another competitor who simply won’t die. I don’t consider her a real competitor for the simple fact she lacks the b*lls to be in the running for this matchup. She’s more content to screw her mute boyfriend than win a championship. Besides, I think Steve would love the chance to throw her out.

[Nick turns back towards the camera.]

Nick: Steve, to further our agreement, I present you with the lives of Delilah and Mikey. Do with them as you will. Simply eliminate them, crush their spirits or end their lives; whatever you wish but just make sure that neither of them gains victory in this match.

[Nick again turns his attention back to Chip.]

Chip: There are several competitors who have yet to be seen this week. Might as well cover them all at once.

Nick: That’s true. Willy Franklin is an incompetent fool who can’t keep his bike, let alone win a match. If he lives through this match, I’ll be surprised. Cletus Beauchamp is coming off a victory against a nobody and has beaten Alex Crowe in the past. Besides that, the only terrifying thing about him is his terrible stench. Luckily, I will quickly end his night so that he can stink up the locker room. Lee Jackson was defeated many times, easily, by Premier Havoc. This will not change when he steps into the ring with me. This other nobody, this Charles Garrison, what chance does he have against me if he can’t even get by Cletus Beauchamp? Charles will be crushed even easier if he’s foolish enough to take on me. Rey Leone thinks that he has the fierceness of a lion and yet has the ability of a common house cat. He was defeated by that Jewish moron Eno at the last show and hasn’t been seen since. I hope he just stays clear of the ring at Southern Dynamite because that will save him the embarrassment of another loss. Drifter could’ve been a worthy competitor but, like Mother Russia, he’s fallen silent when confronted by the infidels. Drifter has gone from a top-notch competitor, like myself, to another loser-in-waiting, like Alex Crowe. It won’t be long before I end Drifter’s chance at the championship.

Chip: And that brings me to Alex Crowe…

[Nick smiles at the name.]

Nick: I’m glad you saved him for last, comrade. Alex is the biggest waste of a spot in this matchup. I would’ve had better competition from that comatose b*tch Tiffany or her lying, destroyed boyfriend than from Alex in the battle royal. I truly hope that Alex enjoyed that victory from the last show because that will be the only victory, the only foothold that he gains in this war. I will easily topple him like my country would a German or Hungarian regime. He will experience more pain than he thought possible before I put him out of his misery and eliminate him. However, I will spare his life.

[Nick turns back to the camera as his eyes fully focus on the lens.]

Nick: That’s right, Alex. I will spare your life because I want you to live, to suffer, with the guilt of knowing that you couldn’t fight Doug’s battles, that you couldn’t be a true ally of Nate and win. You will have to live with the fact that you’ll never be a great wrestler and watch as others pass you by. Of course, if you want to win a possession, I hear it’s pretty easy to take Willy Franklin’s bike.

[Nick laughs loudly for a few moments.]

Nick: Alex, you and your alliance with Nate are foolish and are about to be crushed. I will leave you a broken man and Premier Havoc will not only end Nate’s title hopes but will end his career…just as easily as we ended Doug’s career. Alex, I hope you will still find some lowly recluse to be your friend after this is all over because you will never be a friend of mine.

[Havoc turns off the camera as Nick stands up and gets back in the ring. Chip gathers up the camera and looks towards Havoc. Havoc gives him an angry look before Chip quickly runs out the door. Havoc, now smiling, turns his attentions back to Nick.]

Havoc: Well done, Nick. At Southern Dynamite, you will be unstoppable.

Nick: Correct, Premier Havoc. Now, we’ll continue with the training, yes?

Havoc: Absolutely.

[Havoc turns to the locker room.]

Havoc: My Family, it’s time to start again.

[Jarvis and Pink come out of the locker room…without Juvinal. Pink gets in the ring as Havoc goes to talk with Jarvis.]

Havoc: Where’s Juvinal?

Jarvis: I think he has another concussion, boss. He’s passed out on the floor and keeps speaking his nonsense.

Havoc: Will he be back out today?

Jarvis: I don’t even know if he’ll live today.

Havoc: Oh please, I’ve seen him take far worse and live. Besides, it won’t be the worst thing if he dies because I’m sure we could find some other schmuck to take his place.

Jarvis: That’s very true.

[Suddenly, Juvinal stumbles out of the locker room.]

Juvinal: I’m ready for school, mommy!

[Havoc just shakes his head and points towards the ring. Juvinal runs/stumbles his way into the ring.]

Havoc: I’m sure Nick will be more than happy to take you to school.

[Jarvis proceeds into the ring as the workout continues.]

FADE TO BLACK

[Alex Crowe]

(The RCW camera starts rolling as we see Alex Crowe walking out the front doors of a restaurant. He is joined by somebody but by the time the cameraman gets close enough, the man has turned and already gone to his car. From the quick glimpse of the man, it almost looked like Nate Sipes but due to the far away distance and the glare from the bright sun above, it's unsure of who it really was. The camera follows Alex to his car, before he gets in he turns and faces the camera with a very determined look on his face.)

Alex Crowe: Ya know, I've been sitting around the last few days just taking in everything that is being said regarding this “Shot of a Lifetime” battle royal, and you know what? I've come to realize something, it takes a big man to admit when he understands his current situation and isn't afraid or intimidated by it. You think I don't realize I am probably outclassed, out-skilled, and out-experienced by half the participants in this match? Of course I realize this, and I've come to accept the fact that my chances of winning this thing are slim to none.

(Alex leans against the side of his car as he continues to focus on the camera.

Alex Crowe: How many guys involved in this match can admit the same thing? Maybe not even out loud, can Cletus, Jackson, Garrison, Leone, or even Sensation admit their chances aren't as good as they'd hope them to be? Doubtful, it takes a strong man to admit that... and I just did. I'd love to get a shot at the Southern Heritage Title but let's face it and most of you have already sat in front of the cameras and said I can't win this match. You're all probably right, but that doesn't mean I'm still not going to give it my all. Anything can happen and I refuse to just lay down and accept defeat.

That's right Steve, I put you in the same category as Cletus, Charles, Rey and Willy because compared to everyone else in this match, you're at the very bottom of the list. You haven't done a damn thing to impress anyone in RCW, all you have done is align yourself with a bunch of lowlifes that will get theirs at Hog Heaven. Sensation, your buddy made a deal with the devil in hopes of seeing you stick it out until the bitter end come tomorrow night. That right their shows me how much confidence your buddies have in your ability to win this match on your own... zip, zero, zilch. If they believed you could win this whole damn thing they never would have made that offer to Havoc. Your friends don't believe in you and thus have sealed your fate because now I have two goals in this match.

(Alex takes a few steps forward, getting closer to the camera.)

Alex Crowe: I already accept I probably won't win this “Shot of a Lifetime” but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure YOU don't win it either Steve. You friends want to make deals with Havoc and the FOE, that's fine but now you have put an even bigger target on you. Delilah and Mikey were probably already going to be gunning for you and now so am I. Making sure you don't even come close to being one of the final two is one of my goals for this match...

Making sure that Russian powerhouse doesn't make it to the final two is my other goal. Nick, I said it before that my main goal is to make sure you don't win this thing and nothing has changed. With victory not really my main concern, you're in trouble. My entire focus is on eliminating you, as quickly as I possibly can. This war has to end, and I said it before... I am going to do my very best to help END IT!

So Steve... Nick... go ahead and work together, we'll find out how far that gets you. I'll be waiting tomorrow night, and once I get my opportunity... you're “shot of a lifetime” will be gone! Guys... it's time to get serious!!!!

(With those final words, Alex turns and gets into his car. The engine turns on and moments later and car pulls out of the parking lot as the camera fades.)

["Sensational" CJ Swanson]

1/13/09
Juvinal’s Mansion
***************

[The scene opens on Nick Zildjian entering the locker room of Juvinal’s training facility. It’s obvious that he’s just completed a very strenuous workout as he’s covered in sweat and having to wipe himself down with a towel quite vigorously. Nick throws his towel in the laundry basket and finally turns his attention to the camera that’s been filming him this entire time. He pulls up a chair as the camera adjusts and he begins to speak.]

Nick: And so we are one day closer; one day closer to me becoming the #1 Contender to the RCW Southern Heritage Title and one day closer to ending Alex Crowe’s career. Soon, my dreams will become a reality and I will bring glory back to Mother Russia.

[Nick takes a deep breath before continuing.]

Nick: Alex, I’m glad to see that you can admit the truth about yourself. You’ve finally seen the light and now realize that you’re not a world class athlete and that you have no chance in hell of winning the battle royal. However, despite what you might think, that doesn’t make you a brave man. Bravery is when a man either destroys his enemy with great triumph or sacrifices himself to end his enemy’s tyranny. All you’ve done, Alex, is become a realist in a world full of egotists. You are willing to admit your faults but that makes you all the more cowardly. You make it seem like the others will show you sympathy for admitting you’re a pathetic loser when, in fact, it’ll make us destroy you that much faster.

[Nick looks to the side, as if thinking to himself. After a few moments, he turns his gaze back to the camera.]

Nick: On second thought, there should be no “us” involved. Right now, I’m asking all of the other competitors to stay away from Alex Crowe. Let me deal with him, let me crush him, let me destroy his career. That way, you will all be spared for but a few more moments than you would have otherwise. The first person who doesn’t follow my advice will have a fifth row seat because that’s where I’ll throw you if you mess with me.

[Nick wipes more sweat off of his head.]

Nick: As for you Alex, you will soon find out how Doug Gavelon’s life has been since we ended it because you’ll be hooked up to the same kind of feeding tube.

[An evil smile works its way onto Nick’s face.]

Nick: You, like the rest of my competitors, are simply fooling yourself if you think you’ll walk away tomorrow with a shot at the Southern Heritage Title.

[Nick takes another deep breath.]

Nick: The others all know my intents: to run through them all and gain that title shot for myself, for the FOE and for Mother Russia. Steve Sensation, consider yourself lucky that you’ll be my final victim. Your payment saved you from a long, painful death but it still won’t save your life at Southern Dynamite. Puck and Pyros, your toilet humor and constant in-fighting will be your downfall. I will slice through both of you as easy as pie. Your voices will fall on deaf ears; like your dear Uncle Mikey. He and his on-and-off girlfriend will meet a similar fate. Their hope for a return to glory will quickly be shot down by me; quicker than it would take for Mother Russia to push the button and end your world with a nuclear strike. The Phil’s mouth will be the best of him; his Achilles’ Heel, as it were.

[Nick smiles for a few moments before turning serious again.]

Nick: Phil, your idiotic reign will never resume as you will be easily crushed at Southern Dynamite. Eno, you may have had a hard life and you may have lost your entire family but that’s still only half of what I’ve lost in my life. You’ve never seen your country wither and fall before your very eyes. However, you’ll be able to experience the end of your very life once you lock horns with me. I’m sure you’ll find solace in the fact that your death will bring you closer to your family once again…in death.

[Nick then wipes the sweat from his mouth.]

Nick: As for the rest of the competitors, it’s obvious by your silence that you’ve already lost the fight mentally. All the easier for my victory. My vengeance will strike through Drifter, Franklin, Cletus, Leone, Jackson and Garrison like a Red Tidal Wave. No, Nate, for once, I’m not talking about you.

[Another brief smile develops over Nick’s face.]

Nick: While 15 supposed competitors will step into that ring, only one will prove himself as a true athlete. I, Nick Zildjian, will be the last man standing, go on to Hog Heaven and become the RCW Southern Heritage Champion. No one will be safe from this Red Menace as one after another’s career is cut down by the Sickle. I hope you all have friends because none of you is a comrade of mine.

[Nick stands up and walks out the door.]

FADE TO BLACK