SD #14 Main Event - 5 Man Battle Royale

[Franky Higgs]

Competitors for the match are:

The Phil
Brock Davids
Ase
Eno Redrum
Doug Gavelon

Place rps for this match here.

2 point early rp bonus for the first rp for each handler which scores above 10 and posted beofre Sunday, March 30 @ 3:30 PM CST.

RP deadline is Monday, April 7 @ 11:59 PM CST.

[Alexander Rose]

www.geocities.com/antiher0732/BattleRoyal.html?1207188058990

[Adam Davids]

"Undisputed"

Going into Hog Heaven 2, one of the main questions of the Adam Troy/Brock Davids contest was who would Adam Davids side with? At the end of the match, many people wondered why Davids remained an impartial referee and why Brock decided to make it a special referee match in the first place, seeing as his brother didn't really do anything to help him. At the Hog Heaven 2 post-show press conference, Brock answered those questions and more, including his thoughts on the upcoming battle royal for the Southern Heritage Championship.

The muscular Natural Champion Brock Davids walks onto the stage for the press conference, wearing black shades, blue jeans and a shirt that says, "The Beast" Brock Davids, with a picture of himself holding the title up, with blooding dripping down from his forehead. He struts across the stage and then stands at the podium. He begins to adjust the microphone and several of the reporters hands shoot up to ask a question. Looking out into the crowd, Brock notices the impact the merger with Texas has already had, as he sees about a dozen ten-gallon hats in the room.

Brock Davids: Alright, let's get this thing started. You, down in front.

A balding reporter stands up from his steel folding chair and asks his question.

Reporter #1: I think the question we all want to know is, why did Adam remain impartial in your title defense at Hog Heaven?

Brock Davids: Listen, Adam is his own person. I thought maybe because I am his brother he would show me a little bit of partiality. but I guess I was wrong. But did the referee really even matter? I took matters into my own hands and uh...I think I did OK.

Brock smiles, obviously proud of putting Troy on the shelf with internal injuries.

Brock Davids: Next question.

A second reporter stands up, this one with long hair tied back in a ponytail.

Reporter #2: Did you go into your match at Hog Heaven with the intentions of taking out Adam Troy?

Brock Davids: I'll be honest with you, I did. For me, it was kinda like having a really annoying girlfriend that you want to break up with and not be friends with her afterwards.

Reporter #2: How so?

Brock Davids: Well, to get rid of a chick for good, you have to really be an a**hole to her. So, the same applied to Troy. If I wanted to really get him off my back and get him to stop coming after my title, I had to take him out, and I did.

Brock smiles again, but the reporters all have a look of confusion on their faces, as Brock's analogy really didn't seem to make a whole lotta sense. After a long silence, a third reporter stands up, wearing one of the many ten-gallon hats in the room, and asks his question.

Reporter #3: Now, this ain't directly related to ya, but I just wanted yer opinion 'bout the expansion of RC-dubya to the great state of Texas.

Brock Davids: You know what the expansion means to me? Another hick-filled state that I have to wrestle in. Until we get out of the confederate flag waving south, I don't care how much expanding we do.

Brock's comments causes several of the reporters to drop their jaws in disbelief.

Reporter #4: What are your thoughts on Doug Gavelon, one of the competitors in your match at Southern Dynamite this week, but more importantly, the number one contender for your title.

Brock Davids: My thoughts on Doug are quite simple. I think Gavelon is a washed up has-been. It's been regurgitated by just about every person that has faced him, but that is because it's true. He got his chance over in the other company and he blew it. He had the world title and he dropped the ball.

Now, he walks into RCW, beats a couple of nobodies and immediately get a shot at my belt. Besides the fact that he was handed everything on a silver sthingy here, he continues to live in the past. He continues to think about past mistakes, which in itself, is a mistake. When it comes to Gavelon, one quote comes to mind and that is, those who live in the past, have no future. And going up against the likes of The Phil and myself, he will certainly get nowhere fast.

Reporter #4: You just mentioned The Phil, who is also in your match at Southern Dynamite. Would you care to add your two cents on what you think about Phil and his whole charade as El Bastardo?

Brock Davids: The Phil isn't a bad guy in my book. I mean, I don't really know him personally, but he's probably the only guy I even have an ounce of respect for in this match besides Ase. Anyone who has a problem with Delilah is OK in my book. After Hog Heaven, everybody was like, "Oh, Delilah's back. Yay!

Brock says in a mocking tone.

Brock Davids: I hate that gummy worm loving b*tch. I know this is a little off topic, but if Delilah does come back, I hope I'm the first one in line to get to show her just how much women do not belong in the ring.

Reporter #4: I see you carry your brothers hatred for Ms. Ghost. Anyway, you said you also have respect for Ase, why's that?

Brock Davids: Ase is vicious, pure and simple. He is a monster that I think has earned at least a smidge of respect from everyone in the locker room, whether they agree with the way he goes about things or not. However, Ase is not unbeatable, as his handler seems to want to think. Everyone, no matter how strong, has their weaknesses. Spiderman has his little girlfriend. Mikey loves his etch-a-sketch. But for Ase, it's the fact that he has to be ordered around by some gothic porn star. I had a quote that described Gavelon perfectly earlier and now I have one for Ase.

Brock Davids says the quote in a southern accent.

Brock Davids: He's stronger than hell, but he ain't much for thinkin'.

Reporter #4: That only leaves one man that you haven't really talked about yet, and that is Eno Redrum. What are your thoughts on the up-and-coming Hebrew Hammer?

Brock Davids: Honestly, I don't see what is the big deal about this guy. I mean, I haven't been impressed by his in ring work and I certainly haven't been entertained by his promos, always talking about dreams and death. Really, this guy doesn't belong in a wrestling ring, he belongs on the corner coffee shop writing poetry, pissing and moaning about how his family died.

He says that he and I are going to go at it, strength versus strength, but the thing is, he's only strong on the outside. He's got a muscular frame, but mentally, he's as weak as a child crying because they let their bright blue balloon go and it floated away, into the sky. He's a very fragile man, and honestly, I don't think he can win this thing.

Reporter #4: If not Eno Redrum, who do you think will win this match for the Southern Heritage Championship?

Brock Davids: Well, let's run back through the competitors once more. Gavelon? no, too worried about past loves and dead friendships to be successful in the ring. The Phil? I like the guy, but he's been inactive for a long time, so, not him either. That leaves myself and Ase. Ase's great, but trust me, he can and will be beaten.

Going into Southern Dynamite, I am the only champion. Coming out of Southern Dynamite, I will still be the only champion. That's right, I, Brock Davids, will win the over-the-top battle royal and become the first and only undisputed champion of RCW.

Brock looks up at the sky with a thoughtful look in his eye.

Brock Davids: Undisputed Champion...I like the sound of that.

With a shot of Brock Davids smiling, the camera cuts to black, ending the segment.[/center]

[The Legendary Phil]

members.cox.net/bewarethephil/040608.html

[Alexander Rose]

www.geocities.com/antiher0732/TheWayTheWorldEnds.html?1207608032131

[Doug Gavelon]

~In just a few short days, five men will compete in the biggest battle in RCW’s history. Five men will compete for the honor of being RCW Southern Heritage Champion. One such competitor is also the #1 Contender for the RCW Natural Title, Doug Gavelon. During the past several weeks, Doug has gone through several changes in both physical and mental health.~

3/23/08
Hot Springs, AR
Emergency Room
****************

[The scene opens in the Hot Springs Hospital’s emergency room. Doug Gavelon, having gone through a vicious battle with Casanova over the Natural Title contendership, has checked himself into a room to sew up his bloody head and to check on his shoulder. Currently, he’s lying on the bed in his designated room. He’s watching the news on TV with an ice pack on his shoulder and bandages on his forehead. Just then, he notices someone walk into his room and his face shows a look of shock.]

DG: Tiffany?! What’re you doing here?

[The woman who was once his love stands in the doorway with her straight blonde hair hanging down over her back. Her black coat is unzipped revealing a very tight t-shirt which says “30 Seconds to Mars” on it and has her purse slung over her right shoulder. She’s wearing a low cut black skirt and black boots that zip up the side. She responds to Doug’s comment with a smile.]

Tiffany: Well, I figured that since this was a big event, I’d make the trip down from Buffalo to see it. Like I told you already, I really enjoy RCW.

DG: I mean what are you doing visiting me here? Come to gloat?

Tiffany: No….well, maybe a little. But I also came here to tell you that you had a great match.

DG: Thanks. So what did your parents say when you told them where you were going?

Tiffany: I told them that there was something I needed to take care of down in Arkansas.

DG: And they just let you come here?

Tiffany: Well, dad was a little upset but I convinced him that I’d be fine.

DG: I see. So what do you think my chances are at the next show?

Tiffany: I think you have a great chance. Well, if you’re healthy anyway.

DG: What, this? [Doug looks to his shoulder and then points to his head before continuing.] I’d wrestle with one arm and one leg blind if I had to. I’m not gonna squander this chance to compete for the belt.

Tiffany: I’m sure you will. By the way, I have something for you.

DG: Oh yeah?

[Tiffany reaches into her purse as she approaches Doug’s bed. She sits down on the bed next to him and pulls out a new small portable camcorder.]

Tiffany: I saw your last promo and I figured you could use a new one of these.

DG: Haha! Yeah, I guess I did get a little carried away. Thanks.

[Doug takes the camera and sets it along with his other things that are sitting on a chair next to him. Doug then shows a look of confusion over his face.]

Tiffany: What’s the matter?

DG: Well, honestly, I’m a little confused. I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me after what happened.

Tiffany: Well, originally, I don’t know what to think when I saw you back in wrestling. I was just as confused about how I felt then as I’m sure you are now. But after a while, just listening to your words, something just clicked for me. That’s why I called you before and that’s why I’m here now. I can forgive you Doug but I don’t want you to ever forget what you took away from me, from you…from us.

[Tiffany checks her watch.]

Tiffany: I’ve got to go. I’ve got to catch a plane in about an hour and I’m sure traffic will be horrible getting there.

DG: I’ll bet. I’m glad you stopped by.

Tiffany: I am too.

[Tiffany leans in and gently kisses Doug’s forehead before standing up.]

Tiffany: I hope I’ll see you around.

DG: Yeah, I hope so too.

[Tiffany turns around and walks out the door just as the doctor is coming in.]

Doctor: Well, Mr. Manchester.

DG: Please, call me Doug.

Doctor: Of course, Doug, like I said before, the stitches we put in will disintegrate over time as the wound on your head heals. As for your shoulder, it looks like you’ve torn some ligaments. Now, it’s nothing serious, nothing that’ll need surgery, but you should stay away from strenuous activity for about three weeks.

DG: That won’t be possible.

Doctor: I didn’t think so. That’s why I also called a physical therapy complex in Fayetteville so you can work with them until your next match.

DG: Thanks, doc. I appreciate it.

Doctor: No problem. You’re free to go whenever you’re ready.

[The doctor walks out as Doug takes the ice pack off his shoulder and gets up out of bed. As he’s gathering up his things and putting on his shoes, his cell phone begins ringing. He looks at who’s calling and laughs to himself before answering.]

DG: Hey, Mr. Gates. Trying to get the latest scoop huh?...That’s what I figured…No, it’s nothing serious. The cut will close up in no time and the shoulder’s just a little sore…No, I won’t be missing the battle royal at Southern Dynamite….Sure thing, always glad to help…Thanks a lot…Bye.

[Doug finishes putting on his shoes and sticks his cell phone in his right pants pocket as he leaves the room.]

4/7/08
Fayetteville, AR
Physical Therapy Center
*********************

[Doug is in his second week of physical therapy as the battle royal for the Southern Heritage Title nears. He is shirtless and has his injured right shoulder in the whirl pool while looking up at the TV monitor in the room. His forehead now has a large band-aid over the area of the cut. Soon enough, a female employee enters the room.]

Employee: Okay, Doug, that’s it then for today.

DG: Okay, thanks a lot.

Employee: No problem.

[Doug pulls his arm out of the pool and grabs a towel sitting on a rack on the wall next to him. He quickly dries his arm off before throwing the towel in the clothes bin and putting his shirt on. Doug then walks out of the building and into the cool Arkansas night. He walks over to his Chevy Cobalt and opens the back seat. He reaches into his duffle bag and pulls out the camera that Tiffany gave him. Doug closes the door, walks to the front of the car and sets the camera on the hood of his car. Doug presses record and stands with his back to the building as he begins to speak.]

DG: In just two days…[Doug holds up his left hand and holds out two fingers] two days, everything that I’ve been fighting for over the last month finally leads me to my ultimate goal. In just two days, I test my skills against the best that RCW has to offer. In just two days, I become the new RCW Southern Heritage Champion.

[Doug lowers his hand and locks fingers with his right arm down near his waist.]

DG: Now, I’m sure many of you have been wondering where I’ve been. The truth is that the last battle I had with Casanova at Hog Heaven 2 took a lot out of me. I don’t really like the guy but he did push me to my limits like I knew he would. Do I suspect he’ll ever give me the respect that should be mine? I highly doubt it but I also doubt that smarmy little b*stard respects anyone or anything.

Regardless, I’ve been here at the Fayetteville Physical Therapy Center resting my cut and healing my shoulder. Now, before any of you go saying that I’m silver sthingyed or specially treated by people I used to be with in WpW by coming here, let me tell you that this visit is covered by insurance. That investment really does pay. And if I had my choice, I’d just increase my regular training but I’m here because of doctor’s orders. All of you can say how weak I may seem but I dare you all to look me in the eye and tell me that you’ve never had the kind of physical contest that I had which forced you to go through a place such as this in order to keep pursuing the career that we all love so much; professional wrestling.

Now, onto people who actually won at Hog Heaven a few weeks back. Let’s start with someone that I already know a lot about: Eno Redrum. Eno, our respect towards one another is already well-documented but for this match, we have to set that aside. This is pro wrestling, business is business, and so it’s time to get down to business. Eno, you and I have already gone for competing for a chance at A title to competing for THE title in RCW. People can talk about how we’ve been handed everything but our efforts over the last month have shown that we’re both forces to be reckoned with.

Of course, while we did have a great match up, Eno, it was I who won that contest. I am a strong believer in the idea that those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. You may be prepared for this match Eno but I still hold the one thing over you that you don’t have over me and that’s a win. I’m sorry, my friend, but the drive you get from revenge still won’t be enough to best me this time around. As for your beef with Casanova, you and I both know he’s just running his mouth to get attention. Basically, if he doesn’t find someone to quip with then he feels like he doesn’t matter in RCW and he’s right. If it weren’t for his incessant b*tching, then no one would care about Casanova.

There is one thing you’re quite wrong about, Eno, and that is that I have no respect for The Phil. Phil, for someone who goes around patting himself on the back about how he fooled the world and referring to people in this match as mentally challenged, you have to be one of the stupidest people I’ve ever met. You talk about being stripped of the Southern Heritage Title like it’s something to be proud of when that situation and this match never had to happen if your stupid a** would’ve just showed up as the time keeper. In your infinite wisdom, did you ever think of just coming to the ring and doing what you, as Phil, our EX-champion, was told to do?

No, instead you go around wearing a mask, acting like you’re from Mexico, and even as you described it, cleaning up the garbage around the arena. You can paint it anyway you want and call it a Michelangelo but in fact, it’s not even good enough to be a Picasso. Phil, that was you under the mask doing all the odd jobs around here, acting like a luchador and making people fall for the performance that you put on. In truth, I think you did that as yet another way to hide from your duties as champion. Instead of just coming out and competing, you threw on a mask and let yourself get stripped of the most prestigious belt in this company. Great job, Phil. You really got us.

For those of you who don’t know sarcasm, that was it. That’s probably referring to you, Phil. I mean, you now think you know what wrestling is. Phil, I want you to hold onto that t-shirt because in that battle royal, I’m gonna show you just how little you know about wrestling. And Phil, I don’t know what bizarro world you’re in but last time I checked, the show’s still in Arkansas. Of course, if you feel like skipping out and going to Texas I’m sure no one would mind. We wouldn’t miss you because you’ve been nothing but a drain on this company since you “won” that title. For you to win the belt a second time would be an impossible mistake that will never happen. It doesn’t matter if it’s me, Eno, Ase, or Brock but someone will be a champion and his name won’t be Phillip Shane Abernathy.

And for your information, Phil, that “woman that I beat up” was never my wife. She was my love but I betrayed her before we could tie the knot. For someone who b*tches about being misunderstood and claims to always do his homework, it looks like you need to go back to school, Phil, and in more ways than one. Of course, for the wrestling portion, I’d be more than happy to teach you a lesson in pro wrestling. Phil, you think you have what it takes to get rid of me then get ready for the disappointment of your life. In the end, you will leave with a loss, no title, and a mask in your duffle bag. Who knows, Phil? Maybe you can coax someone into pushing for El Bastardo to return. Then again, I doubt anyone would make that mistake twice.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the only person coming into this match with a title. Brock, take a good look at my face [Doug points to himself] because this is the face of someone that you’ll be seeing for a long time to come. [Doug lowers his hand again.] You know, I, like everyone else has always wondered just how a dopy looking Goth kid turned into a muscle-bound freak. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you’ve been doing when the lights go out, Brock, and I guarantee it isn’t extra weight lifting. Sure, Brock, they make you bigger and stronger now but while I’ll be able to enjoy life after wrestling, your demons will force you into a wheel chair, unable to walk, speak, or even worse. It’s just a matter of time Brock. So, enjoy your new body now because it’ll never last and neither will you.

Also, from now on, when you tell the story about Adam Troy’s downfall, how about you tell the whole thing? The way you tell it sounds like it was you, by yourself, beating Troy’s brains in. Any idiot, even Phil, could see the three-on-one you jacka**es laid on him. Honestly, Brock, I don’t know how you managed to win that title because from what I’ve seen, your only success has come thanks to the kindness of strangers. Think about it: before Hog Heaven when your brother and Hollywood got involved, just how well did you do against Troy? The truth is that Troy took you to the limit and exploited your weaknesses. However, where he failed, I will succeed.

And now, you use the same line that your kind just loves to spout out at me about having everything handed to me since AJ and I used to be in WpW together. Nobody has handed me a d*mn thing in this company and neither should they. I’ve worked hard to get to this position over the past month. Besides, you, as well as everyone else, wants to b*tch about how it’s a conspiracy of how every winner suddenly got a shot at the Southern Heritage Title. Looks like Phil’s not the only one who needs an education. If AJ wouldn’t have made that call for this battle royal, not only wouldn’t I get the shot but neither would any of you, you steroid-injected moron. Also, let me remind you of this: everyone keeps using this “silver platter” bullsh*t but remember that while you idiots spout that garbage, I still reign victorious over my opponents. That has been the case since I got here and there’s no way that’ll end at Southern Heritage.

And now onto my final opponent, or rather his valet. I would talk to Ase but he, obviously, doesn’t have much to say. As Tarja as always countered: Ase is her weapon and doesn’t need to speak. I do wonder, however, if Ase shares the same idiotic line about me brownnosing in the back. As you’ll notice, everyone, my nose is no shade of brown but of white. I don’t spend my days on my knees begging for a life. I’ve never been one for begging and I bow to no one. I love pro wrestling, I love the competition, I love being able to enter that ring and beat the hell out of my loud mouth opponents.

However, in this case, I can’t do that. While I have done horrible things to one woman in particular, I’ve turned over a new leaf. Besides, why should I crush someone who does her best to look me over? Well, Tarja, go ahead and pay me no attention. Hell, tell Ase to pretend I’m not even there during the battle royal because that mistake will be your doom. You may think it a luxury to overlook opponents but I, for one, always expect the unexpected when it comes to my opponents because I know, like everyone in this match should, that anything can and will happen on any night. Am I saying my victory will be a fluke? Well, if you ask Phil, Brock, or Tarja, that’s the excuse I’m sure all of them will come up with to live with the fact that they had their chance to be the Southern Heritage Champion and blew it.

Tarja, you can brag up and down Main Street about how well Ase did despite the punishment he took but we all know that it wasn’t just Ase that defeated Mikey at Hog Heaven. Go ahead and try to trip me up, Tarja. I’m daring you. Do it and just maybe I’ll turn yet another leaf and then we’ll see what this beast of yours is like when his master isn’t holding the leash. I think it quite ironic how Ase went from a man named Ice Kold to a whipped puppy with a soul that’s cold as ice. Don’t forget, that ice can shatter and so can your weapon as that damage he suffered is proof. Just keep treating him like an animal or a machine or anything else less than a human being. Let him keep going out there and getting his a** kicked in one way or another and see how long he truly lasts. Of course, for a cold hearted b*tch such as yourself, all that’d mean is you’d be breaking in a new weapon. Just like any horse racer, you may have pushed your prize winner to the point where he needs to be put down and sent off to the glue factory. At least, if you don’t finish him off then I will in that battle royal.

Eno…Phil…Brock…Ase…you all have dreams to become the Southern Heritage Champion for one reason or another. Whether, like me, to be recognized as the best in RCW, to gain some gold to make it look like you’re not a worthless a**hole, to become an undisputed champion, or to show how special a machine can be against the real, living, breathing beings of this world. In the end, all of your dreams will be crushed and left unfulfilled. And they will all be crushed by the only wrestler that matters. By the Burning Hammer. By me…DOUG GAVELON!

[Doug raises his right hand and flashes the metal symbol before walking over to his car and turning off the camera. He reopens the back door and puts the camera back in the bag before shutting it again. Then, Doug reaches into his pocket, pulls out his cell phone and dials a certain number.]

DG: Hey Josh! What’s up man?....Hey, are you free tonight?....Cool, you wanna hang out at my place for awhile?....Good, I’ll meet you there then….Yeah, I just finished up physical therapy….Okay, see you in a bit……Yeah, later.

[Doug puts his phone back in his pants pocket and enters his car through the driver’s side door. He puts the key in the ignition and starts it up, driving off to his apartment to meet with his old friend.]

[Doug Gavelon]

~With Southern Dynamite drawing near, the competitors in the main event look to several methods of preparation. Some reflect on their past, others look to poetry for motivation, while one certain combatant now looks to spend time with his old friend after a long day’s work. In the end, one of these five will be the new RCW Southern Heritage Champion.~

4/7/08
Fayetteville, AR
**************

[The scene opens as Doug pulls up to his apartment complex in his Chevy Cobalt. The night is getting darker as he turns the car off and steps out, grabbing his bag out of the back seat before proceeding to his room. As he makes his way to room #6, he sees someone waiting outside his door. When he gets closer, Doug notices that it’s the best friend he called about half an hour ago, Josh.]

DG: Hey there, loser. So you finally took the old ball and chain off for one night, huh?

Josh: Yeah, whatever. Just let me inside. I’m freezing cold.

DG: It ain’t that bad, man. You spend too much time in that bar with that heater running.

Josh: Shut up and open the door.

[Doug pulls out his keys and unlocks the door to his apartment. The two men step in and Doug closes the door behind them. Doug turns on the lights and goes to the fridge for a bottle of Gatorade as Josh takes a seat on the couch in front of the TV. He turns it on and sees Ase and Tarja’s latest promo.]

Josh: Hey, did you see Ase’s chick talking again?

DG: No, I’ve been working so much with physical therapy and in the gym that I’ve barely had a moment’s rest.

Josh: Come check it out.

[Doug takes a seat next to Josh and the two of them watch the promo. Doug looks on intently while Josh just smirks. At the end of it, Doug looks over to Josh and sees a sly grin on his face.]

DG: What the hell are you thinking?

Josh: That Tarja chick, would ya?

DG: Who wouldn’t? But if she tried to turn me into another Ase, that’s where I’d draw the line.

Josh: I don’t know, man. I kind of like the idea of having a chick like that smack me with a whip.

DG: Well then, be my guest, go find those two and see what happens. I’m sure Tarja will smack you around just for breathing near her and then will feed you to the mute.

Josh: Hey, why don’t you think he talks anymore?

DG: Probably can’t get a word in considering how much she talks.

Josh: Haha! That sounds about right. And on that note…

[Josh reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bottle of Coors.]

Josh: You want some, man?

DG: You know I’m preparing for a match right now.

Josh: Figured I’d ask. Me, I don’t have to worry about pro wrestling. The only match I’ve got coming up is in my bed with the wife when I get home.

[Josh chugs down some beer and then lets out a loud belch.]

DG: Smelling like that, the only thing you’ll be wrestling is the couch.

Josh: You’re probably right but at least she knows who the man of the house is.

DG: Whatever. So, after my match at Hog Heaven, Tiffany came to visit me.

[Josh almost spits out his beer and lets out a few coughs before responding.]

Josh: Are you serious? What did she want?

DG: It sounded like she forgave me. She kissed the wound on my forehead and even gave me a new camera.

[Doug reaches into his bag and pulls out the recent gift that he received after Hog Heaven.]

Josh: No kidding? Well, let me see this thing.

[Josh grabs the camera and begins fiddling with some of the buttons.]

Josh: You know this lense makes you look very sexy, man.

DG: Just what I wanted to hear from you, you drunken moron.

Josh: Yeah, well, at least I know how to work this thing. How about this: I’ll be the director here and I’ll interview you about this battle royal shindig?

DG: We could do that.

[Doug brushes the hair from his face and turns back to Josh. After a few moments, Josh signals that he’s recording.]

Josh: So tell me, Doug, just what is your opinion on this match you have at Southern Dynamite?

DG: I think that this match will be the biggest of my career to date. Never before have I faced so many top competitors all at the same time. From the strength of Eno Redrum to the animalistic Ase to the knowledge of Brock of being a champion.

Josh: What about Phil?

DG: I said top competitor, not a mental midget like that fool. I mean, he’s a guy who talks about all the great competitors he beat in order to become the Southern Heritage champion but let’s look at who he actually beat to get there: he beat Chris Sinclair who was supposed to be the next big thing in wrestling but was here today, gone tomorrow. Not exactly what I would call a true competitor. Then, there was Quark. As strong and as good as he was, he just didn’t have the drive needed to be a champion. Then, there’s that tag match when him and Jen Blackhart beat Delilah and Mikey. Now both Delilah and Mikey have a ton of heart, that’s never been disputed. However, when it comes to the big matches, neither one has ever won on the big stage. Sure, Delilah won the TV Title back in WpW but she also had several shots at the more important titles in that company and couldn’t win. I’m not trying to take anything from her or Mikey because they’re great people but they just always seem to choke in a big match setting.

Then there’s that façade of a match he had with Too Sexy. If anybody thought going in that Too Sexy wouldn’t win or that the Phil wouldn’t use some sort of illegal tactics then they would be lying to themselves. The fact is that Phil never won that title but stole that title. Now, he’s getting another shot at the Southern Heritage belt. Oh yay! Let’s give this guy, the guy who never defended his title upon gaining it and never seems to stay around for more than a few weeks at a time, another chance to drive this company down into the dark depths of Hell. Rockers can romanticize the place but RCW will be an unending, personal Hell to anyone who appreciates great competition in this company if that pompous windbag gets the title again. If it’s the last thing I ever do, I’ll make sure that the Phil goes home empty handed Wednesday night and every night forever more.

Josh: Since you stuck a bit of poetry in there at the end, what did you think about Tarja’s little poetry session there, recently?

DG: Yeah, T.S. Eliot, interesting choice. If you wanna hear the truth, though, the only thing that I’ve heard whimpering around here lately has been her boy toy, Ase. Just like Mikey, the guy just doesn’t say a d*mn word anymore. I mean, when he did talk, he could spout almost as much bullsh*t as Phil but at least he actually stood up for himself.

Also, about this whole female empowerment thing she keeps talking about: we get it, Tarja, that you’re a woman, you’re p*ssed off and want respect. I can respect the fact that you managed to turn a fully functioning man into your lap dog within a matter of weeks. I can respect the fact that just because you love to wear expensive dresses that you think it makes you something special. I can respect the fact that you push Ase to the point where he’s ready to fall over and die without you showing even an inch of sympathy. I respect the way in which you run your lives as they’re yours to do with as you please. You can talk about how much you think you’re emasculating me but soon enough you’ll see just how much I emasculate Ase when I beat him to a pulp in the ring.

And another chip that she just refuses to knock off her shoulder is how her man wasn’t getting title shots when she demanded them. Well, of course, the Southern Heritage Title was out of the question as the Phil would rather have his head off in the clouds than actually come to work. The Natural Title would be respectful but Brock had his hands full at the time with Adam Troy. So, Ase gets placed in main event after main event, sometimes against quality opponents and sometimes not, but almost always with inconclusive results. For someone who claims to have a perfect weapon, she should have reprogrammed him to know that wins is what matters in pro wrestling. In fact, the way I see it, Tarja, AJ was trying to put your man on a pedestal. He was trying to show off his great skills to the fans of pro wrestling by putting him in all of those main events. Basically, he handed Ase that spot. And you call ME spoiled? Please. You’ve had so much handed to you on a silver platter that if each platter was worth its weight in nickels, you could buy and sell Donald Trump a hundred times over. He gave you these chances and yet you always blew it. If you wanted your “deserved” shot, all your man had to do was win. Not beat to hell but actually win a match. So, now, you’ve got your shot at the belt so quit crying about how politics are screwing you over. Politics won’t be your downfall in the battle royal, I will. Of course, if you want a shot once I’m champion, win a match and I’ll grant you a shot. Until then, quit your b*tching.

Josh: So what about Ah-nuld’s wannabe double, Brock Davids?

DG: The RCW Natural Champion himself. Brock is another guy who thinks things should be handed to him and when they aren’t he tries to accuse other people of being handed things in life. Like I already said before, if it weren’t for his brother in the beginning and for Hollywood’s debut at Hog Heaven, Brock wouldn’t be the Natural Champion today. At any rate, he won’t be Natural Champion for long anyway. Don’t forget that I am the #1 Contender for that belt and once I become Southern Heritage Champion, I’m coming after you and that gold you carry over your shoulder, Brock. Judging from your recent rant at that press conference, you seem so sure that a muscle-bound jacka** such as yourself is capable of holding both titles in this company. But Brock, I’m here to tell you that that’s just a pipe dream for you. You were lucky enough to get that Natural title but there’s no way in hell you could possibly be the Undisputed Champion. If anyone were to hold such an honor, it would be me, Eno Redrum, or even Ase. You know, someone who actually has the stamina to be a real wrestler. Brock, if you want to be a real champion, stop popping the pills, and actually work in the treadmill along with your weight lifting prowess.

Josh: Don’t forget about your buddy, Eno Redrum.

DG: Yeah, before and after this match, he’s a friend but while we’re in that match, me and you, Eno, are enemies. The glory that goes with this match is something that we both want dearly and know that we must fight if either of us are to gain it. Eno, after this match is over, you and I can continue to coexist but I will be carrying around a few extra pounds of gold on my shoulder. However, unlike the rest of these a**holes, I actually like you, Eno. So, as long as you keep pulling off impressive victories, I’d be happy to give you a shot at the belt. You know, the more I thought about this match, the more I thought about how interesting it would be if it came down to me and you, Eno? Then I thought about what each of us would do to gain that title. I know how much it means to you and personally, I would do anything to become the Southern Heritage Champion, short of selling my soul again. That is a path that I will never go down again and is a path that I don’t need to tread to be the best in RCW. Eno, good luck because for this match against me, you’ll need it.

Through all the talking and bullsh*t that’s gone into preparation for this match, each of my opponents has, in one way or another, overlooked me. That is a mistake that they will all soon regret. All of you critics out there will soon have your mouths shut as I stand tall over three of the best RCW has to offer and The Phil. You will all soon see just what makes me the only wrestler that matters.

Josh: He’s gonna say it.

DG: Why I am the Burning Hammer.

Josh: Here it comes!

DG: Why I am…DOUG GAVELON!

Josh: Ahhhh! He said it!

DG: Thanks for the commentary.

[Josh turns off the camera and places it back in Doug’s bag.]

Josh: No problem.

[Josh grabs his beer off the floor and sits back down on the couch next to Doug.]

Josh: So, let me ask you something.

DG: Shoot.

Josh: What are your feelings towards Tiffany right now?

DG: Honestly, I still love her. It feels like things are back to the way they were before I had my personality change.

Josh: That’s great. Go back and get her, man.

DG: But that’s just it, Josh. The one thing that still remains with me from my dark period was paranoia. I just don’t know what her true intentions are. I keep thinking that one day she’s gonna jump out at me one day with a gun and blow my head off.

Josh: Well, if that happens, you can’t possibly look any worse than Britney Spears did on that South Park episode a few weeks back.

DG: Hahaha! Yeah and I also don’t have a bunch of people with cameras trying to kill me with their flash bulbs.

Josh: Exactly. I mean, Ase might be enough to kill you. Or Brock. Or Eno. Or, God forbid, Phil.

DG: The only way any of that will happen is if I just say “f*ck it” and let them kill me. Even if I come to that decision, it’ll take much more for Phil to even come close to killing me.

Josh: Alright man, I’m gonna take off. Time to go home and spend quality time with the wife.

DG: Yep, that’s fine. Thanks for hanging out. You should ask your wife to come out and play more often.

[As Josh opens the door, he looks back and flips off Doug to which Doug just laughs. Josh closes the door behind him. Doug looks at the TV for a few moments before turning it off and reaching for his cell phone. He dials a number and waits for someone to respond on the other end.]

DG: Hey…Yeah, how’s it going?.....Good, good. How was your flight home?.....Is your dad still p*ssed?......Hahaha!......Well, I was talking to Josh and I realized something…..Even after everything that’s happened between us, I can’t stop thinking about you. I still love you, Tiffany…..I know……No, I know that but I can’t help it. I realized now just how bad I f*cked up when I hurt you…..Okay but just tell me if you feel the same way…..You know, I could always tell when you’re lying…..I could tell in the hospital that you still have feelings for me, too. I mean, no one travels a thousand miles just to watch a wrestling show and give their ex a camera…..Alright then….Yeah, I’m sure you will….Bye.

[Doug hangs up his phone, walks over to the fridge and puts the half-drunken bottle of Gatorade back in. He then walks over to the switch on the wall and turns off the lights.]

[The Legendary Phil]

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